Where I work I became good friends with a colleague of mine. They were offered a promotion to become a manager which would mean being my manager. I could not be happier for them and thought they would be a great manager. Things started off okay and we would still spend quality time as friends by going for lunch runs and getting coffee together.  

However, overtime I felt like something was not quite right. I noticed they had withdrawn from the friend part of the relationship. This caused me to take on attention seeking behaviour in an attempt for me to see that friendship that was there before. 

I tried everything that I could to hold onto the friendship. I continued the attention seeking behaviour in an attempt to "see" the friendship that used to be there. This did not do either of us any good and only made me spiral into anxiety and depression. I developed extreme anxiety associated with going into the office at work, to the point where I had to request to work from home full-time. When in the office all I could think about was whether we would have any interactions today and was paralyzed by the anxiety.

Finding my way through

Near the end of summer 2024 I decided to try a new therapist. The one I had before turned out to be a bit of an enabler. The new therapist helps me to work through the emotions associated with my anxiety. They have helped me to see the reality of the situation. I need to be okay with the way things are and I need to stop handing them the remote control to my emotions. 

The work with my new therapist has allowed me to return to the office for half days. I still have challenges with going in for half days. While I am able to make it through most days there are still days where I need to run from the office to the comfort and safety of my home.